Mountain Hardwear  Dynama Dress

I slipped into this dress and immediately understood what it feels like to be produce awaiting shipment. The design philosophy seems to be: “What if we removed every trace of human shape and replaced it with the emotional energy of a damp burlap bag?” The fabric drapes with all the enthusiasm of a curtain in a motel that charges by the hour. The silhouette? Imagine a rectangle. Now imagine a sad rectangle. Now imagine paying money to wear that rectangle in public. Friends told me it looked “minimalist,” which is a generous way of saying “you resemble a sack of root vegetables that learned to stand upright.” On the plus side, it’s comfortable—if your definition of comfort includes giving up on being perceived as a person with hopes, dreams, or a waistline. Would I recommend it? Only if your aesthetic is “I woke up today and chose starch.”