{"id":62573,"date":"2019-06-25T07:00:27","date_gmt":"2019-06-25T14:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/?p=62573"},"modified":"2019-07-02T22:43:09","modified_gmt":"2019-07-03T05:43:09","slug":"its-flat-and-other-nonsense-weve-told-newbies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/hike\/its-flat-and-other-nonsense-weve-told-newbies","title":{"rendered":"“It’s Flat” and Other Nonsense We’ve Told Newbies"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cIt\u2019s the desert,\u201d I told my partner a few weeks ago, exasperated. \u201cIt\u2019s totally flat.\u201d Their eyes rolled back in their head so far I almost didn\u2019t think they\u2019d come back again. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ve heard that before,\u201d they sighed. I wanted to protest, but thinking back, I could see that they were right.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve both cycled (east to west) and hiked (south to north) across the United States. I\u2019ve biked 200 miles in one day and walked 58 miles in 24 hours, just for the fun of it. So my idea of difficulty might be a little skewed.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I can\u2019t be the only one overly excited to get their friends into the wilderness. Can I?<\/span><\/p>\n

After asking the internet, it turns out there\u2019s a lot of us. Here are a few of those phrases we outdoorsy folks have said to our unfortunate, <\/span>new-to-adventure buddies<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Two<\/p>\n

1. \u201cThe bugs aren\u2019t bad this time of year.\u201d \u2014Logan Jenott<\/span><\/h4>\n

Said with hopeful optimism.<\/p>\n

2. \u201cOnly one more switchback.” \u2014Alison Solomon<\/span><\/h4>\n

It’s almost as heartbreaking as “we’re almost there” on long car rides.<\/p>\n

3. “The ______ are more afraid of you than you are of them.” \u2014Angela Batiste<\/span><\/h4>\n

Isn’t that what rangers always say?<\/p>\n

4. “That climb is a 5.11, but it’s totally sandbagged.” \u2014Ryan Storment<\/span><\/h4>\n

(Meaning the route is graded easier than what most climbers\u00a0would say it should be graded.)<\/p>\n

5. “It’s July\u2014there won’t be any snow on the trail.”\u00a0 \u2014Jessica Iserman<\/span><\/h4>\n

As we end up postholing the last half mile.<\/span><\/p>\n

6. From Beckey: “Take the obvious gully up to the summit block…” \u2014Travis Logan<\/span><\/h4>\n

Where “obvious” actually means “obfuscated.”<\/p>\n

7. “We’re almost there. I’m sure I remember this rock\/tree from last time.” \u2014Jim Weller<\/span><\/h4>\n

Yeah, I think I remember that pebble over there. Or maybe that one there.<\/p>\n

\"Two<\/p>\n

8. \u201cMy kids can do it.\u201d \u2014Tricia Jarrett<\/span><\/h4>\n

Which is true but really doesn\u2019t mean anything!<\/span><\/p>\n

9. \u201c8 miles roundtrip means you only have to climb 2,000 feet for 4 of the miles!\u201d \u2014Naomi Lam<\/span><\/h4>\n

Somehow the math of it all makes it nearly comforting.<\/p>\n

10. \u201cThose shoes are fine, I climbed <\/span>Longs Peak<\/span><\/a> in Chacos!\u201d \u2014Julia Matakis<\/span><\/h4>\n

Fine is relative, after all.<\/p>\n

11<\/strong>. \u201cYou\u2019re getting closer.\u201d\u00a0\u2014Mary Oleniczak<\/span><\/h4>\n

Technically the truth but also not terribly specific.<\/span><\/p>\n

12<\/strong>. “It’s only supposed to rain a little bit.” \u2014Ryan Anthony Brooks<\/span><\/h4>\n

It might have been true before, but the day is jinxed now.<\/p>\n

13<\/strong>. “This is the best dinner you’ll ever have!” \u2014Jackie Bayne<\/span><\/h4>\n

This being proclaimed while boiling water for a friend’s first dehydrated backpacking meal.<\/p>\n

14<\/strong>. \u201cIt\u2019s just a walk in the park.\u201d \u2014Kaden Sullivan<\/span><\/h4>\n

Which it is, technically speaking.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>\n

15<\/strong>. \u201cThe view will be totally worth it, the summit is above this fog…\u201d \u2014Casey Schmidt<\/span><\/h4>\n

Touch\u00e9, microclimate, touch\u00e9.<\/p>\n

16<\/strong>. \u201cWe are almost there, the incline isn\u2019t as bad as it looks…\u201d \u2014Ashley Shanholtzer<\/span><\/h4>\n

Ways to not make friends.<\/p>\n

17<\/strong>. \u201cWe aren\u2019t lost, I just don\u2019t know where we are at the moment, but we are OK, trust me.\u201d \u2014AnaMaria Gonzalez Bruce<\/span><\/h4>\n

We totally trust you. Definitely. Not scared at all.<\/p>\n

18<\/strong>. \u201cWe\u2019ll stop for an hour at the top and I\u2019ll make a painting. It\u2019s a small one, it won\u2019t take long to create.\u201d Three hours later: \u201cI need ten more minutes!\u201d \u2014Claire Giordano<\/span><\/h4>\n

Yeah. We’ve heard that before.<\/p>\n

19<\/strong>. Looking and pointing to a ridge: \u201cThat\u2019s GOT to be the summit.\u201d \u2014Michael Eekhoff<\/span><\/h4>\n

Typically it isn\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

20<\/strong>. Regarding a 5-day thru-hike: \u201cIf we do a big first day, then we can coast the rest of the trip.\u201d \u2014Scott Daniels<\/span><\/h4>\n

21<\/strong>. \u201cThere’s some bushwhacking, but it’s short and not very thick.\u201d \u2014Ken Russell<\/span><\/h4>\n

And bushwhacking is fun! (Said no one, ever.)<\/p>\n

22<\/strong>. \u201cPooping in a bag isn\u2019t as bad as it sounds. Trust me.\u201d \u2014Charlotte Austin<\/span><\/h4>\n

I mean, you do pick up after your dog, right?<\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cIt\u2019s the desert,\u201d I told my partner a few weeks ago, exasperated. \u201cIt\u2019s totally flat.\u201d Their eyes rolled back in their head so far I almost didn\u2019t think they\u2019d come back again. \u201cI\u2019ve heard that before,\u201d they sighed. I wanted to protest, but thinking back, I could see that they were right. I\u2019ve both cycled […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":62798,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[387],"tags":[734,707,727],"internal-tag":[],"class_list":["post-62573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hike","tag-climbing","tag-hiking","tag-latest-posts"],"parsely":{"version":"1.1.0","canonical_url":"https:\/\/rei.com\/blog\/hike\/its-flat-and-other-nonsense-weve-told-newbies","smart_links":{"inbound":0,"outbound":0},"traffic_boost_suggestions_count":0,"meta":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"“It’s Flat” and Other Nonsense We’ve Told Newbies","url":"http:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/hike\/its-flat-and-other-nonsense-weve-told-newbies","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/hike\/its-flat-and-other-nonsense-weve-told-newbies"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2019\/06\/Skrobecki_040519_0559.jpg?resize=150%2C150","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2019\/06\/Skrobecki_040519_0559.jpg?fit=2000%2C900"},"articleSection":"Hike","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Aer Parris-Hoshour"}],"creator":["Aer Parris-Hoshour"],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Uncommon Path \u2013 An REI Co-op Publication","logo":""},"keywords":["climbing","hiking","latest posts"],"dateCreated":"2019-06-25T14:00:27Z","datePublished":"2019-06-25T14:00:27Z","dateModified":"2019-07-03T05:43:09Z"},"rendered":"