{"id":200785,"date":"2025-12-10T14:24:20","date_gmt":"2025-12-10T22:24:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/?p=200785"},"modified":"2025-12-10T14:24:55","modified_gmt":"2025-12-10T22:24:55","slug":"the-goldilocks-vacation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/camp\/the-goldilocks-vacation","title":{"rendered":"The Goldilocks Vacation\u00a0"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

One curious thing about family holidays is that they sometimes replicate the everyday dynamics of home, only elsewhere. As a classic headline in The<\/em> Onion<\/em> put it, \u201cMom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties in Closer Proximity to Ocean.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m as guilty of this as the next guy: At home, I love to take advantage of free time to hop on my bike, knock out a trail run or squeeze in a cheeky surf session. As a contributing editor at Outside<\/em> magazine, I sometimes justify this as \u201cresearch.\u201d And so, when my family and I plan to hit the road, I\u2019ve already got adventure on my mind. While my wife trolls hotel sites, I open Strava<\/a> or Trailforks<\/a>. But going on epic, all-day bike rides in Vermont or Arizona and coming back absolutely cratered isn\u2019t my family’s idea of fun. When I\u2019ve done that on vacations past, it\u2019s understandably created tension. My wife has rather tartly accused me of thinking that \u201cfamily holiday\u201d means taking a vacation from<\/em> the family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s not that my wife and teenage daughter don\u2019t appreciate being active while away from home. They tend to favor the pleasurable<\/em> aspects of such pursuits, though. To them, a vacation isn\u2019t meant for hammering in the red zone, then returning home, hollowed-out and broken, to nurse a shower beer.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To preserve family harmony, lately I\u2019ve been thinking about compromise. I\u2019ve wanted to see if it was possible to craft experiences that might satisfy all of us. I half-jokingly call this project the \u201cGoldilocks vacation.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo Credit: Tom Vanderbilt<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n

Redefine a “Successful” Holiday<\/h2>\n\n\n

The first step toward a Goldilocks Vacation is letting go of the idea, and the pressure, that a holiday’s every moment must be unalloyed fun. \u201cIt is mistakenly thought that vacations are meant to be pure pleasure,\u201d says tourism researcher Moji Shahvali, a lecturer at the Netherlands\u2019 Breda University of Applied Sciences. But a good vacation also requires a certain amount of work<\/em>. It\u2019s not just the travel, which can bring its own stress, from flight delays to flat tires. (No wonder the word “travel” is derived from the French word for pain.) Conflict might arise among family members over the details of the vacation itself; or there might be deeper schisms, Shahvali says, \u201cthat never showed up (at home) because we\u2019re good at running away and getting busy and hiding behind the laptop and work.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Los Angeles\u2013based psychologist Aimee Martinez<\/a> suggests we instead think of vacations like birthdays. \u201cWe often assume they have to be happy and perfect, filled with joy and celebration,\u201d she says. \u201cBu,t just like birthdays, family travel can stir up a mix of emotions.\u201d Behind that picture of the family enjoying a glowing Instagram-worthy sunset there might be moments of \u201cconflict, boredom, stress.\u201d We spend time carefully planning flights, completing our packing checklists, she notes, without thinking as much about the very human traits\u2014the emotions, energy levels, desires, dislikes\u2014we are bringing on holiday. Anyone with an adolescent child, for example, might find their kid balking at what the parent presumes is a perfect itinerary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Martinez suggests that we recalibrate. Rather than the postcard-perfect holiday, we aim for having a \u201cgood-enough vacation.\u201d This mindset stays grounded, and embraces flexibility, accepting \u201cthat it\u2019s OK for things to go differently than planned.\u201d Both adults and kids, she suggests, \u201ccan work together to create a dynamic where everyone’s needs are considered, but not every desire is met immediately or completely.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Embrace Variety<\/h2>\n\n\n

In our family, one way I\u2019ve found to achieve this is to flood the zone with sheer variety of activities. On a recent trip to Austria, for example, we stayed at Stanglwirt<\/a>, a sprawling, centuries-old mountain inn. The inn seemed to offer everything: tennis, a world-class boxing gym, mountain hikes, cycling, equestrian sports. While I took a boxing lesson, my wife swam laps and my daughter had her first spa experience. The next day, we swapped activities. Maybe it wasn’t anyone’s perfect<\/em> holiday, but it ticked enough boxes that it was more than \u201cgood enough\u201d for everyone.\u00a0 When I described this to Maria Hauser-Lederer, the communications director and member of the family who owns Stanglwirt, she smiled knowingly. The inn accommodates the many interests of its guests, in any sort of weather. \u201cWe have multigenerational families who come here,\u201d she says. \u201cWhen their children come to their teenage years, they don\u2019t want to go on holiday with their parents anymore.\u201d But they tend to come to Stanglwirt, she notes, \u201cbecause they say, \u2018OK, I can do so much.\u2019\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo Credit: Tom Vanderbilt<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n

Enjoy Something New\u2014Together \u00a0<\/h2>\n\n\n

A successful holiday, argues Shahvali, is often one in which a person can compromise and<\/em> step out of their comfort zone, change roles, try things they didn\u2019t immediately agree with\u2014but in a context in which \u201cyou\u2019re not too much worried about being judged by a lot of social norms and external factors.\u201d A few years ago while we were in Japan, for example, our daughter begged us to go to Tokyo DisneySea. My wife and I are not theme park people. Jetlagged and dazed, we capitulated. We had a blast. I can\u2019t remember the last time we all giggled quite so robustly as we did on the Indiana Jones\u2013themed \u201cTemple of the Crystal Skull\u201d ride. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Separated from the habits of home, we can try out new things, try on new personas. We can achieve what the psychologist Arthur and Elaine Aron called \u201cself-expansion.\u201d Still, there can be obstacles. I love to bike, for instance. My wife, suggests Shahvali, \u201cmight not know how much she would enjoy biking up a mountain; there might be some personal constraints or fears\u201d keeping her from finding out. How to gently encourage her to join me in a sport I love while on vacation, while keeping it appealing to her?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve found a solution, and it has a motor. To my mind the e-bike might be the greatest step toward family holiday harmony yet. Riding my traditional bike, I get a punishing workout. My wife, atop an e-bike, gets the views and a not-unsubstantial workout. My daughter, meanwhile, might opt for one or the other.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Photo Credit: Tom Vanderbilt<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n

Aim for Just-Right Fun<\/h2>\n\n\n

One of the best Goldilocks vacation solutions I\u2019ve come up with, though, is to take the family somewhere none of us have been, with people we\u2019ve never met, to do something we\u2019ve never done before. One summer we spent a week on a small Greek island, practicing open-water swimming<\/a> for a week. Were any of us excellent swimmers? No. Was it a bucket list destination? We\u2019d never heard of the place. But we had the time of our lives. The entire family had a similar skill level in the water. None of us knew what we were doing, which meant that no one felt left behind, and no one felt they were missing out on something. (My wife and daughter turned out to be better swimmers than I was.) As a family, we met new people and ate novel foods. On long sunset walks, we\u2019d fantasize about moving to this small Greek isle, growing tomatoes and hanging out drinking coffee with the old guys wearing Yankees ball caps. We didn\u2019t simply create good memories, we found out things about ourselves, and about us as a family. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just like Goldilocks\u2019 famous refrain, it felt “just right.” <\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One curious thing about family holidays is that they sometimes replicate the everyday dynamics of home, only elsewhere. As a classic headline in The Onion put it, \u201cMom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties in Closer Proximity to Ocean.\u201d  I\u2019m as guilty of this as the next guy: At home, I love to take […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14208,"featured_media":200790,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[15,588,12],"internal-tag":[2011],"class_list":["post-200785","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-camp","tag-backpacking","tag-camping","tag-travel","internal-tag-home-secondary"],"parsely":{"version":"1.1.0","canonical_url":"https:\/\/rei.com\/blog\/camp\/the-goldilocks-vacation","smart_links":{"inbound":0,"outbound":0},"traffic_boost_suggestions_count":0,"meta":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@type":"NewsArticle","headline":"The Goldilocks Vacation\u00a0","url":"http:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/camp\/the-goldilocks-vacation","mainEntityOfPage":{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"http:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/camp\/the-goldilocks-vacation"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2025\/09\/Kearns_050422_6399_lg.jpeg?resize=150%2C150","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","url":"https:\/\/www.rei.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4\/2025\/09\/Kearns_050422_6399_lg.jpeg?fit=4096%2C2732"},"articleSection":"Camp","author":[{"@type":"Person","name":"Sarah Grothjan"}],"creator":["Sarah Grothjan"],"publisher":{"@type":"Organization","name":"Uncommon Path \u2013 An REI Co-op Publication","logo":""},"keywords":["backpacking","camping","travel"],"dateCreated":"2025-12-10T22:24:20Z","datePublished":"2025-12-10T22:24:20Z","dateModified":"2025-12-10T22:24:55Z"},"rendered":"